Busy Busy Busy

Really sorry, haven't been on for a couple of days as i've been very busy and my friend was staying. There's not much to catch up on really though.

Wednesday: I went into York with my best friend to hand out CV's and we got offered and interview at Superdry the next day

Thursday: I got weighed in the morning and lost weight which I wasn't expecting as I felt like I had gained, I am so bloated at the moment. I can't afford to lose anymore though so i've got to maintain next time! We went to our interview at 12:30 and it was so informal, the man who interviewed us was really laid back and eating his lunch at the same time. It was nerve-racking but was over in 5 minutes which was good. Oh god, but I had embarrassed myself before the interview had already started as I got out the lift on the wrong floor and this really fit guy walked in and the interviewer was like "oh, wrong floor"...eeeeeek, so embarrassing! Anyway, we had lunch after our interview and then got our little bits and bobs for college that we needed. It was when we were  having a depressing talk about college and stuff that Jess got a phone call from the interviewer and he gave her the job! I am so fucking proud of herrrr, she really deserves this. I was chuffed for her, she  had no belief in herself yet she worked hard for the interview and she got it.
However, it made me feel shit. I am so used to rejection but I haven't been put in a position recently where i've had to deal with it. I just instantly knew it was to do with my looks. I wasn't pretty enough for them, I was way to ugly to be a member of their team. It was the hardest rejection i've had to deal with as it just made mee feel shit. Why the fuck aren't I good enough? What have I done wrong?  I'm no good at anything or for anyone. For fuck sake. I haven't cried for ages but I couldn't help it, I tried to keep in my tears but they came out anyway and I know I ruined it for Jess and made it about me which I didn't mean to do. I am such a shit friend, I should have trieed harder to keep my feelings to myself, but know, I show them and ruin the moment. I am going to do my best to make it up to her as she deserves the best. She deserves that job more than anybody, and she's drop dead gorgeous, so Mental Eve fuck of and allow me to be happy for my friend instead of feeling shit about the way I look. I can keep looking for jobs and each rejection should get easier...I hope. I just hope that the rejection doesn't take me off track, i've got to stay strong through these shitty feelings :(
I am going to do something for my friend though to celebrate her job as she fucking deserves it! So bloody proud!