Feeling really shitty actually. Was out at a friends but she had 3 others round who i didn't know, and because i'm not that confident i felt really awkward and out of place. They were smoking and laughing and being themselves as a grop, then thhere was me, the outsider. I was meant to be staying the night but i couldn't, i just felt too shit, so i cycled home in the pitch black at 10, it was fricking scary as there were no lights along the country roads, hated it. Now i'm sat in bed and it feels nice to be back, back in my comfort zone where i can hide myself away and not be sociable. However, had 1 bottle of cider and now i feel shit as i didn't get tipsy so feel bad about the calories i've consumed so i'm going round a fucking rollercoaster in my head trying to fight with all my thoughts. Just got to stay in bed, don't go to thhe bathroom, and try get to sleep.
Tonight has made me realise how unconfident i actually am. I mean i knew i wasn't confident, but i was so scared to talk when i was there, and usually i'm fine in social situations (well only with people i know) but still, i was petrified and felt so paranoid. For fuck sake, been a shitty end to a good day.
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