Hard Day.

So, today has been a bit tricky really. I had a different cereal for breakfast today which was a nice change really, but i had to weigh it to make sure i wasn't going over in calories. I felt better once i had gone in the gym and worked out a bit, just de-stressed me a bit and made me feel a bit more relaxed about my food intake.
Things got me a little down when i opened the box in my room. Basically, i'm re-decorating my room so need to chuck out a load of stuff, starting with all the shit in the box. It is all my letters, cards, pictures, diaries etc. from my 2 previous hospital admissions. It just brought back some really horrid memories, ones i would rather not think about. The thing is, it was like a box 'dedicated to my eating disorder'. I need to get rid of that box, but it's so hard to let go of some of that stuff, especially supportive letters and stuff. It took me forever to get through all the stuff, i hadn't even finished before lunch.
At lunch, i was a bit reluctant to put salad cream on my wrap so put very little on, and didn't have my yogurt afterwards, but i had the wrap and crisps. Told mum that today is a day where i'm not purging, so she let me not have it - felt better for not having it!
Tea time was a bit of a struggle really. Mum gave me 2 beef burgers  and pitta but i couldn't have 2, couldn't bring myself to it, so i comprimised and kept one and a half and the pitta, yet ended up leaving that half, so just ate 1 and the pitta. I tried to comprimise by having more ketchup then i usually would have, then had an apple and 2 strwaberries afterwards. Think mum and dad were reassured when i had that. However, now i'm dealing with the afterthoughts. I still have to have my snack tonight as i didn't have it earlier, yet i feel really greedy. I will get to those feelings when i need to have my snack.
Dad just came in and had a dig at me as he's had a bit to drink and i took it over-sensitively and snapped at him and started crying. I just feel so hopeless right now. I will be fine tomorrow, but right as this moment, i'm feeling the shittest i have felt for quite a while.