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| Castle |
Friday, 31 August 2012
Leeds shopping.
Been shopping today in leeds and it was amazing! I finally bought my doc martens, yayyyyyy! Black patent ones :D It was a lovely day with my best friend, really amazing, I just felt free and at ease with her, loved it :)
Spent shit loads of money though...oh well, at least i'll wear it all! I will will put pictures on tomorrow :)
Spent shit loads of money though...oh well, at least i'll wear it all! I will will put pictures on tomorrow :)
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Going to miss her
It only just clicked in that my sister is going to uni in 3 weeks. I am going to miss her so much, it will be so lonely without her, I just want her to have a good time and grab her amazing future with both hands, she bloody well deserves it.
Monday, 27 August 2012
Help choose!
Help me choose which bag to get for college pleaseeee? I already have a backpack and a gola bag so I would like a handbaggy one!
PLEASEEEEE HELPPPP!
PLEASEEEEE HELPPPP!
Home Sweet Homeeeee
Home sweet homeeeee! It's so nice to be back at home again, I feel as though I can finally relax now. I am a bit nervous though as I'm being weighed tomorrow and I really feel as though I have gained a lot of weight, and I don't know how i'll deal with it. It's so scary. I need to know whether i've maintained though.
Also, going to be weighed after i've had breakfast so i t won't be an accurate reading :(
Also, going to be weighed after i've had breakfast so i t won't be an accurate reading :(
Sunday, 26 August 2012
Saturday, 25 August 2012
I want to go home.
So, in Wales at the moment at my grandma's, and I just want to be at home to be honest. Snuggled in my own surroundings, relaxed and getting on with my college work and not stressing about whether I should exercise tomorrow, or will I have time on Monday when I get home.
It's been nice to see my little 5 year old cousin James, but I literally only saw him for an hour as then we went out as mum could tell I was getting restless. Also, Auntie Bex, sho is the one that usually brightens up the place, was only here this morning as she is working tomorrow and has golf this afternoon. It will be so boring tomorrow when it's just us and grandma and grandad, I don't see why we can't go back tomorrow and go to Bielby Festival instead, as at least we will have seen the family! Anyway, there's no point complaining as it won't change anything!
I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
They were nice to me though as when me and mum went out to the shops, we came back to find party poppers and champagne and cards for me for my exam results. Got my money for my Doc Martins and grandma and grandad gave me some money.
It's been nice to see my little 5 year old cousin James, but I literally only saw him for an hour as then we went out as mum could tell I was getting restless. Also, Auntie Bex, sho is the one that usually brightens up the place, was only here this morning as she is working tomorrow and has golf this afternoon. It will be so boring tomorrow when it's just us and grandma and grandad, I don't see why we can't go back tomorrow and go to Bielby Festival instead, as at least we will have seen the family! Anyway, there's no point complaining as it won't change anything!
I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
They were nice to me though as when me and mum went out to the shops, we came back to find party poppers and champagne and cards for me for my exam results. Got my money for my Doc Martins and grandma and grandad gave me some money.
Friday, 24 August 2012
Walesss
Right, so off to Grandma and Grandad's down in Wales tonight and staying there until Monday, wish me luck, I will need it!
At least my sister has come home now and is going to come down as well. She was so sweet and got me a lovely top from 'Ark' as an exam 'well done' present, and 'sorry for ruining results day' present. God, I love her so much!
At least my sister has come home now and is going to come down as well. She was so sweet and got me a lovely top from 'Ark' as an exam 'well done' present, and 'sorry for ruining results day' present. God, I love her so much!
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Shit.
So, today has been the shittest day I have had for ages, and this is my results day where I should be celebrating my exam results...but no.
I feel so shit, everything is just falling apart. As soon as things start to go right, something comes along to mess up everything again. Polly and dad had a huge talk last night, I wasn't down there to listen, but Polly is so upset, she feels like shit and just doesn't want to be around the family right now. That made me feel shit today as she was going to be at home to celebrate my discharge and exam results, but no, she doesn't want to be at home so has gone to sta at someone's house. Dad has said some really awful things to her, and she doesn't deserve it, she needs our support at the moment more than anything, ok, we don't have to support the relationship, but she's his daughter, we need to support her emotionally. It's awful, but I am so cross with her for getting into this situation, why the hell has she done it? Well I know why, it was because she wants to feel loved, and who wouldn't after all the shit she's been through, so I understand that, but can she not see this is tearing us all apart. Mum is in bits, dad is so cross and can't come to terms with it, and me, well I don't matter in all of this anyway...but i'm falling apart inside. Our family are so fucked up, and I just don't know why. Why can't something be simple for once?
So instead of celebrating my results and having a happy day, i've been in tears along with mum, and had an argument with dad whilst we were eating tea, therefore causing me to not eat tea dad got even more cross with me. I went to calm down and went back for my tea later as I know that not earting it will make all this worse, but still, I don't feel like eating at all at the moment, and that's shit when i've only just been discharged. I am forcing myself to have everything though as otherwise I will just prove everyone right that I can't do this.
However shit I feel, I will not be defeated.
I feel so shit, everything is just falling apart. As soon as things start to go right, something comes along to mess up everything again. Polly and dad had a huge talk last night, I wasn't down there to listen, but Polly is so upset, she feels like shit and just doesn't want to be around the family right now. That made me feel shit today as she was going to be at home to celebrate my discharge and exam results, but no, she doesn't want to be at home so has gone to sta at someone's house. Dad has said some really awful things to her, and she doesn't deserve it, she needs our support at the moment more than anything, ok, we don't have to support the relationship, but she's his daughter, we need to support her emotionally. It's awful, but I am so cross with her for getting into this situation, why the hell has she done it? Well I know why, it was because she wants to feel loved, and who wouldn't after all the shit she's been through, so I understand that, but can she not see this is tearing us all apart. Mum is in bits, dad is so cross and can't come to terms with it, and me, well I don't matter in all of this anyway...but i'm falling apart inside. Our family are so fucked up, and I just don't know why. Why can't something be simple for once?
So instead of celebrating my results and having a happy day, i've been in tears along with mum, and had an argument with dad whilst we were eating tea, therefore causing me to not eat tea dad got even more cross with me. I went to calm down and went back for my tea later as I know that not earting it will make all this worse, but still, I don't feel like eating at all at the moment, and that's shit when i've only just been discharged. I am forcing myself to have everything though as otherwise I will just prove everyone right that I can't do this.
However shit I feel, I will not be defeated.
GCSE's
Got my GCSE results today...I was expecting shit because of the place I was in, but I am so happy!
6 B's and 4 A's! Yesyesyesyesyes! I have now got into college! Can't believe it!
6 B's and 4 A's! Yesyesyesyesyes! I have now got into college! Can't believe it!
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Free.
Discharged today, woooop woooooop! The meeting went on for bloody ages though, god, it was awful, it's my life but people were talking without me there, god, stilly people! Anyway, I finally got to go in and hear what they were saying, and I have to stay on with CAMHS and see them once a month just to check in with things. The surgery are going to weigh me once a week, and i'll have bloods once a month. Don't know why I need to have bloods done as i've never had anything wrong with them before, even when I was at my lowest weight, grrr!
Anyway, i'm free now, so yayyyyyy!
Anyway, i'm free now, so yayyyyyy!
Blog later
I am on my blog later than usual as I have finally got round to dying my hair :D I just hope it looks alright!
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Sleepy time?
Going to try and sleep, not sure wether I will be able to though as gave so many thoughts running around in my head, especially my discharge tomorrow!
Dr. Martens
Hoping i'm going to do well enough in my exams to be able to go to College next year, and get these bad boy Dr. Martens!
http://www.office.co.uk/womens/dr._martens/8_eyelet_lace_up_bt/10/5396/25190/1?fs=5396
http://www.office.co.uk/womens/dr._martens/8_eyelet_lace_up_bt/10/5396/25190/1?fs=5396
Butterflies in belly.
God I hate this!
So text a guy yesturday about his bbm status and have been talking to him for a little bit. It's really annoying though as I get little flutters in my belly. I know though that he doesn't like me and never would, so it's even harder and annoying when I get butterflies in my belly. I send flirty texts I guess, and he replies a bit flirty, but just because he's a guy and so it doesn't mean anything to them. It's really annoying though as you can see when someone has read your bbm and just hasn't replied, and that's what he does, just doesn't reply for ages, grrr so annoying! 2 can play at that game though!
Still hate this as I know he would never like me like that as no one ever would, but still.
So text a guy yesturday about his bbm status and have been talking to him for a little bit. It's really annoying though as I get little flutters in my belly. I know though that he doesn't like me and never would, so it's even harder and annoying when I get butterflies in my belly. I send flirty texts I guess, and he replies a bit flirty, but just because he's a guy and so it doesn't mean anything to them. It's really annoying though as you can see when someone has read your bbm and just hasn't replied, and that's what he does, just doesn't reply for ages, grrr so annoying! 2 can play at that game though!
Still hate this as I know he would never like me like that as no one ever would, but still.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Love these snapback hats
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| Tried this one on and really liked it, £15, River Island |
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| Black retro print snapback, £15, River Island |
Dip-dye.
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| Mixture of this and flamingo pink. |
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| Violet for the tips. |
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| Flamingo Pink for the majority of my dip-dye. |
Old friend.
Went into York again today but actually went shopping this time. It was lovely to see my friend as she was her old lovely self who I could have a giggle with. She has changed since i've been away (not necessarily for the best) and so I was nervous about seeing her, but she was the Laura that I knew and I loved it! Got on so well and had lots of girly giggles. Will keep in contact with her when I go to college I think.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
York with the mother
Went in Yorky today with the mother and picked up a few bits and bobsssss.
Exchanged some cushions in BHS for some other ones for my room, I really like them but felt really guilty about mum buying them, hate it when they buy me stuff!
Only had one of the cushion I got on the website, the other one was metallicy greyyy with trees on, all mistical.
Exchanged some cushions in BHS for some other ones for my room, I really like them but felt really guilty about mum buying them, hate it when they buy me stuff!
Only had one of the cushion I got on the website, the other one was metallicy greyyy with trees on, all mistical.
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| Typewriter cushion |
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Scary feelings.
My day has been fine, finaly got my CV written and listened to music al day, singging loudly with mum which was nice :)
For some reason I suddenly feel realy shit after tea. I am full but still have to have evening snack later. So fat and disgusting and like I have put on loads of weight. It's just making me feel really anxious about getting weighed as if the weight on he scales has gone up then I will be completely freaked out and probaly start purging more again and cutting out food. This feeling is really scaring me as I hate it I just wat to know what the scales say! I am used to this feeling but I don't really know how to deal with it properly without cutting things out and purging or cutting.
Hhhhmmm, I will hopefully feel back on track tomorrow.
For some reason I suddenly feel realy shit after tea. I am full but still have to have evening snack later. So fat and disgusting and like I have put on loads of weight. It's just making me feel really anxious about getting weighed as if the weight on he scales has gone up then I will be completely freaked out and probaly start purging more again and cutting out food. This feeling is really scaring me as I hate it I just wat to know what the scales say! I am used to this feeling but I don't really know how to deal with it properly without cutting things out and purging or cutting.
Hhhhmmm, I will hopefully feel back on track tomorrow.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Giggling Girliessss
So, here's what i've done in my life today as obviously people will be interested...yeh doubt it Eve!
Was so annoyed when i got up this morning as i wanted to have a longish lie in, but ended up waking up at 8:45 because Kevin the decorator was here, could have stayed in bed for sooooo long but decided to get up at 9 and get going with my day. Went in the gym for a bit after i had my breakfast and by the time i had showered and tidied up my clothes which were allover the floor. God, my room is so messy at the moment, it's really stressing me out, can't wait to move back into my own room again!
Went into town with mum to pick up a few bits and bobs and just have a general gander, was nice to get out a bit, even if it was for just a short period of time before lunch.
Straight after lunch i cycled to Ell's which was longer than i remembered...i swear it wasn't that far before, god i'm unfit! We had a really funny talk to be honest, both were giggling a lot. Yes, the conversation was about boys if you are to know, at least we could chat and laugh about it and it wasn't a serious, squirmy conversation. Oh what us girls talk about!
I couldn't cycle back as it was raining, so got mum to come and pick me up. Painted my nails a lovely baby pink, then mum went out for birthday drinks as it was her friends birthday, aww she looked lovely, i do love my mummy. Gave me a chance to pick up my guitar and strum as loudly as i liked, it felt so good to sing loudly and try to play along. Felt a release almost.
Then after tea i skyped my friend Elizabeth from the unit as she has been discharged. She is so pretty, god, wish i looked like her! Friend envyyyyyy! Bless her, she got her A level results and did really well, so proud of her!
Was so annoyed when i got up this morning as i wanted to have a longish lie in, but ended up waking up at 8:45 because Kevin the decorator was here, could have stayed in bed for sooooo long but decided to get up at 9 and get going with my day. Went in the gym for a bit after i had my breakfast and by the time i had showered and tidied up my clothes which were allover the floor. God, my room is so messy at the moment, it's really stressing me out, can't wait to move back into my own room again!
Went into town with mum to pick up a few bits and bobs and just have a general gander, was nice to get out a bit, even if it was for just a short period of time before lunch.
Straight after lunch i cycled to Ell's which was longer than i remembered...i swear it wasn't that far before, god i'm unfit! We had a really funny talk to be honest, both were giggling a lot. Yes, the conversation was about boys if you are to know, at least we could chat and laugh about it and it wasn't a serious, squirmy conversation. Oh what us girls talk about!
I couldn't cycle back as it was raining, so got mum to come and pick me up. Painted my nails a lovely baby pink, then mum went out for birthday drinks as it was her friends birthday, aww she looked lovely, i do love my mummy. Gave me a chance to pick up my guitar and strum as loudly as i liked, it felt so good to sing loudly and try to play along. Felt a release almost.
Then after tea i skyped my friend Elizabeth from the unit as she has been discharged. She is so pretty, god, wish i looked like her! Friend envyyyyyy! Bless her, she got her A level results and did really well, so proud of her!
Thursday, 16 August 2012
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